Prepare For Snow Bowl 2 This Weekend As More Than TWO FEET Of Snow May Hit Buffalo By Sunday
If you're part of the 60% of the US population that doesn't live near the ocean, there is a pretty good chance your favorite season is fall. Football season, spooky season, craft beer season, cuffing season...it doesn't matter how you slice it fall is elite in every way. Unfortunately for us true blue Americans who are just trying to enjoy putting on a few extra pounds and easily hiding it behind our hoodies and freshly grown beards, big weather continues to chip away at all-mighty autumn.
Winter doesn't officially start until December 21st and there is already FEET of snow possibly in the forecast for this weekend when the Browns travel to Buffalo to take on the Bills. A game that just went from "I'll check the box score" to appointment television.
If it is half as entertaining as the original Snow Bowl then Sunday is going to be absolute scenes. Back in 2007 the Bills traveled to Cleveland where the forecast called for massive lake effect snow and 40 mph wind gusts. This was the result...
I was dumb lucky enough to be in attendance at this gem of a sporting event. The wind was tearing through that lake front stadium and turning the flurries falling from the sky into a real life snow globe. During halftime the entire crowd went into the concourse and huddled en mass next to the escalators like refugees trying to escape Hoth. Going to get a beer was like that one scene in The Day After Tomorrow.
When I tried to walk back to my seat with my beer, my feet were so numb that it felt like I just took a 30 minute shit and stood up too quickly. I don't know exactly how many layers of clothing I had on but it did not matter. I tried to go all Randy from A Christmas Story and instead mother mature cut through me like Randy in Scary Movie.
I remember taking a sip that frosty cold lager and the large chunk of ice that had formed at the top bumping me in my upper lip causing the beer to slosh out the sides of my mouth and pour own my face and chest. Halfway through the first cup of $15 Bud Light I looked like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
And yes, that was five movie references in three paragraphs. Eat your heart out KenJac.
The Snow Bowl saw just 254 total passing yards and ended with an 8-0 Browns victory. Jamal Lewis out-rushed Marshawn Lynch, trudging for 163 yards through the snow. In the most wtf moment of the game, Phil Dawson hit a 49-yard field goal in complete white out conditions just before halftime. What a legend.
Speaking of legends can we just take a moment and appreciate fat Joe Thomas sleeveless doing squats in the snow pregame. Put that picture in the dictionary next to the word Alpha.
Back to this weekend. The forecast is calling for brutal lake effect snow with accumulation that Kyler Murray would drown in. What is crazy about lake effect snow is that there are pretty much only two places in America that get hit by it: Cleveland and Buffalo. What's even crazier is that there is only two other places IN THE ENTIRE WORLD that get lake effect snow: Northern Japan and Kamchatka Peninsula in Russia.
So Cleveland, Buffalo, desolate Northern Japan, and the place that cheap gas station vodka is named after are the only places that get lake effect snow. By the way, how bad is your liquor when the name is synonymous with underage drinking and alcohol poisoning? I mean Vodka pretty much all tastes like rubbing alcohol (unless you go top shelf) but somehow Kamchtaka multiplies that "flavor" and mixes in hints of depression and homelessness. It's honestly impressive.
The Browns season is toast and I'm not sure what kind of effort they will give after watching them roll over and die against the Dolphins in Miami last weekend. But if the first edition of The Snow Bowl is any kind of road map then the Browns might actually have a chance.
The Browns, a team who has Nick Chubb, Kareem Hunt, and one of the best offensive lines in the league, have been out rushed in five of their last six games. Maybe the weather will finally get Kevin Stefanski to understand that ball control and a run game are keys to victory when your quarterback is Jacoby Brissett and your defense blows harder than any of the girls Glenny has on his OnlyStans show.
I just hope the weather is absolute dog shit and we get a good game out of it. Otherwise we are giving up our Fall for nothing. I mean why must they try and take the few sacred things we have left? The second 9pm hits on Halloween and the last piece of candy is dropped into a stained pillow case, Mariah Carey can be heard in the distance and department stores rush to put out Christmas displays.
Stop fast forwarding through fall! Unless it gives us legendary football games, then I might let it slide.